23 July 2008

Field trip over, back to keeping an eye on the homeless

Don't mind me, children, I'll just be taking it easy here today*, cleaning up the mess you've left behind. You know, like no one pays me to do. I also throw in the passive aggression pro bono, so you know, but don't let that stop you from making a voluntary donation to our educational fund.

Anyway, I hope you all learned something from your trip here, besides that the bold mixture of dust, formaldehyde, and tanned leather create an odor so distinct that just a few minutes' exposure trains you to instinctively hold your breath whenever you pass between granite columns during the rest of your life.

I expect you all to write a 1000-word essay on the subject of What You Learned Here Yesterday About Me and the History of Hilarity in America, Which Dates Back to my Glorious Exodus From the Stork's Bindle.

What's that? Your teacher doesn't want to have to grade them, much less even read them? How about just an amusing comment then?

* Actually, I really am taking it easy-- I'm preposting this, thus bending time and space for the sake of this week's free movie, Horton Hears a Who, and then we have various errands and such to run. Oh wait, I mean Something Witty and/or Information Worth Wasting Your Time With.


Anonymous said...

my, my, my! Preposting for the sake of a free movie...what is this world coming to?!

Unknown said...

I forgot about those free movies thanks for the reminder and have a great time.

Chris M. said...

Saw The Dark Knight last night.

But Horton Hears a Who might be more creepy to me. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm strange like that.

Weather Moose

Leslie said...

Ah, a movie and errands. Sounds lovely! I simply cannot wait to get out of here for vacation TOMORROW!!!!

Kori said...

Witty comments are beyond me today; I come HERE to get my wit, thank you. Tell us how the movie was-I loved the book.

Weith Kick said...

I love garden gnomes because they are so tacky. We have one that I absolutely treasure. They're sneaky little buggers.

Swirl Girl said...

So you know what is so funny to me? When I click on your site from by blogroll, you come up in a small window. I then can enlarge it to full screen. In and of itself, that is nothing to speak of, The funny part is that the garden gnome's little tip of his freaky hat shows just a smidge in the window. It appears as if it is a phallus of some sort (I know what sort.)
Like Camp Carrie's porno field trip is about to ensue. I am at once excited and repulsed by this at the same time.

So- are you Literal Dan or Figurative Dan?

SherE1 said...

Aw... I love HORTON HEARS A WHO! Although we haven't seen the movie yet. *jealous* Have a nice time!

Brittany said...

So, what you are saying is, that I made a poor decision in purchasing my new Pier One dust, formaldehyde and tanned leather scented candles for date night?

Well, there goes any chance of romance for me tonight.

Candid Carrie said...

I am with Swirl Girl, I too saw the tip of the gnome and it is black. And you know what they say about that ... Once your gnome's black, you never go back.

Anonymous said...

I do the bending time thing all the time...except it's never for anything as fun as movie viewing. It's usually to you know eat or do dishes. Stuff like that. Boring, but necessary.

BabyonBored said...

If you want to kick it with the big boys (girls) you will need to add my books to your favorites list. I mean, seriously, "I Was Told There'd Be Cake"? Before mine? I will start commenting on a regular basis when you start stroking my ego!

Cassey said...

Love Dr.Sesuss but the movies usually are a fail. Tell me how this one turns out, I haven't seen it yet, but I rutting for it.

LiteralDan said...

MamaNeena: A man will sink to any low for the sake of free stuff. Or at least I will.

Mekhismom: I live to serve-- hope you can get to some near you while the gettin's good.

Chris: That movie was awesome-- I don't see many these days, but my wife was kind enough to stay home while I went out.

The combination of Dr. Seuss and Jim Carrey indeed promises all sorts of wackiness to unnerve you.

Laggin: The movie was lovelier than the errands, but it wasn't a bad day overall. Hope you're enjoying your vacation!

Kori: Sorry ma'am, it'll never happen again (hangs head in shame). The movie was fun, moreso because of all the freeness. Although I must say I wasn't so thrilled about the unhappy scene at the dentist-- that could push a kid over the edge unnecessarily.

Weith Kick: I must be honest-- it's not my gnome, it's my mom's. She sent the picture for my son's enjoyment. But they do make me laugh, mostly because of the gnome scenes in The Full Monty and Amelie.

Swirl Girl: That must be a setting in either your page or browser. Start with the browser: Click the Tools menu, then point to Options, then uncheck the Resize pages to create disturbing phallic images unrelated to the page creator.

If it's already unchecked, then you'll have to start wading through your style sheet for a similar bit of code.

SherE1: The movie was decent, but the book is (obviously) more concise and to the point.

Brittany: Not necessarily-- some people seem to like the smell. Just don't inhale too deeply.

If they do torpedo date night, you can always keep them handy to burn in place of "having a headache".

Candid Carrie: Since it's not my own personal gnome, I suppose my gnome-related future is wide open.


Christy: There's still time-- you can learn from my mastery.

Stefanie: Yes, my liege, I will do as you command. Your will be done, in blog as it is in print. Amen.

Thanks for stopping by!

P.S. How'my doin' so far??

Cassey: Yeah, I haven't even bothered to see How the Grinch Stole Christmas or The Cat in the Hat, but this one wasn't half bad whatever the quality of those other two. I'd recommend it if you want to keep the kids occupied without wanting to drive nails in your eyes and ears, especially if you can see it for free.