13 June 2008

Manliness in its purest form

I made reference to frisbee assaults in this recent post, and in recalling several recent frisbee-related incidents since then, I know you might soon get the impression we do little else but toss around the ol' plastic-skin. For now, though, I figured this bit of insight into the budding masculinity of my 4-year-old son was definitely worth highlighting:

The two of us were at the park throwing his frisbee around when I delivered a perfect throw that was so perfect it smacked him right between the eyes. Now, in my defense, most every other throw was tossed gently somewhere near him, just to avoid this problem. But it was an especially windy day in an area known for its wind, and somehow this thing ended up coming off my hand as a laser-guided missile (pronounced "miss-aisle", because I said so and I want this blog to sound classy in your head).

Me: Are you okay?

D- (clearly in pain): Yeah-- I'm tough (stops rubbing his head, then crosses and uncrosses his eyes a few times).

Me: You can be tough and still get hurt, you know.

D- (waiting a couple seconds while looking at me like I'm an idiot): I'm not hurt.

Me: Okay.

We went back to playing for a minute before I decided to write this exchange down for your benefit, so I pulled out a little notebook and scribbled down the gist of it. While I was doing this, D- decided to pass the time (and likely protest the interruption) by repeatedly trying to guide a miss-aisle into my nuts. He started out at a distance that offered him plausible deniability, but he found himself creeping closer each time as a silent acknowledgment of his complete lack of ability to direct the frisbee anywhere other than the ground a few feet in front of him.

Having much experience with this kind of thing, I was able to quickly turn myself away each time, waiting to say something till after I could be sure I wouldn't lose my train of thought by doing so. Each time I turned away, he would pick up the frisbee from wherever it had landed, and then reposition himself right in front of me. Once he started scrambling to be toe to toe no matter which way I turned, I stopped him with a quick word and he defended himself with the following gem:

"I'm just trying to see how far I can throw it!"

And this utter BS covering such cold-hearted dedication to comedic violence caused me to reflect that for as uncompromisingly tough as he may be, I know that I'm the kind of tough that might allow myself to water that fresh-cut grass with a manly tear or two if he ever connects as hard as he would have then.

For more pain or near-pain involving my crotch, see these posts.


Kevin McKeever said...

You are a master of the ol' poop and crotch yarn, Dan. Happy Dad's Day, buddy.

Kori said...

Snicker snicker....yet one more reason to celebrate my femininity-no nuts!

Anonymous said...

maybe all these assults on your manly areas is his way of getting revenge for giving him a little sister. Or, it could just be really freaking funny!!!

Anonymous said...

Boy, you guys sure do sustain a lot of injuries at your house (and attempted injuries, I might add...of course who am I to throw stones? I forgot for a moment that I live with the 2 queens of crutches here.)

Mama Dawg said...

LOL! That's all I got today. I'm too tired.

Have a good weekend.

TentCamper said...

I hear ya Dan!

I was with my 4 year old yesturday and he was adiment about playing Kung Fu Panda. That's all good and fine but at his height...every shot was at "the wrong" level.

gotta love it!!!!

Rikki said...

The little bugger! Thank goodness frisbee's are easy to dodge...it could have been a hacky-sack (pun intended).

MsPicketToYou said...

kid hit husband today (day off -- he thought that might be fun) with a golf ball and it was not pretty or good. husband said, finally, damn, his aim is good.

and that my friends is why we have dads. happy fathers day!

Dad of Divas said...

You have to love how kids can stretch the truth when it meets their goal. Glad to see you were able to duck and cover per se. Have a great fathers day weekend!

Anonymous said...

Why is it that I heard the "bonk" of the frisbee hitting his forehead? Cute little bugger..

LiteralDan said...

I wrote up responses to all these comments a few days ago, but I see they're nowhere to be found, so I'll try to remember everything I said. If any of you got a bunch of mysterious non sequiturs posted at your blog, sorry! I have no idea what else happened to what I wrote.

Always Home and Uncool: Everybody's gotta have a specialty, right? I'll take this one. And thanks-- same to you!

Kori: That may be, but I'm sure that like most women, you could come up with an impressive list of reasons to NOT celebrate your femininity, too.

I'll see your lack of nuts and counter with the ability to pee standing up, wherever and whenever I want.

MamaNeena: It's gotta be revenge for SOMEthing, that's for sure. But no one in my manly area's city limits has found it funny, according to recent polling data.

Christy: Well, we try to keep the attempted injuries outnumbering the actual injuries. Next, we'll move on to keeping the accidental injuries outnumbering the attempted ones. One day, God willing, we can just start lowering the number of injuries from all causes.

Mama Dawg: Hey, they can't all be winners, right? Take a load off, put your feet up.

It was a good weekend, for what it's worth. You?

TentCamper: Your first mistake was playing Kung Fu anything with a 4-year-old. You get what you deserve at that point. As far as he's concerned, all those hits were right on target. He's got to play to his strengths.

Rikki: Frisbees are easy to dodge until they aren't. Then you have an odd-shaped bruise. However, a hacky-sack would definitely have been worse, in all senses of the words.

Ms Picket To You: At that point, you have no side to look at but the bright one. I have similar observations whenever my son (and now my daughter, more so every day) throws things in the house.


Chris: We are definitely getting into truth-stretching contests. At least for now he has very little grip on the realism that needs to be included in a good lie for it to work.

I had a great weekend, I hope you did as well

Half-Past Kissin' Time: Because it was so awesome-- it made me want to have a worthy frisbee opponent to send bullets towards, upping the ante each time. He's too cute and still too uncoordinated at this point to torture like that. I'll have to wait at least a decade till he brings his skills up to an acceptable level.