09 April 2008

A guest blogger: Advice for kids!

For any 3- or 4-year-olds out there who read this blog regularly, my son D- has a little tip to share with you.

If you really want to hurt your parents, I mean reeeeally, really hurt them, try the following:

When you're playing with toys, and you feel like getting a bit rough, or not sharing, or generally giving in to anti-social/inadvisable impulses, just go for it! If your parents dare to protest, simply put down the toys, fold your arms, work up a big pout, and then coldly declare, "I don't want to play with anything."

Your rejection of participation in normal society and renunciation of childish things will unnerve them and render them like Play-Doh in your powerfully petite hands. With your icy glare slicing through them like a righteous scimitar of justice, they will surely fall to your feet and beg, just beg you to take up the toys once again. They'll probably even promise you can do whatever you want with them.

You may have to sit around and wait a little bit, to show them you mean business, and they may even try such deceptions as shrugging and going back to what they were doing, in an effort to hide their fear and pray you won't make good on your threat. But you will, ohhh you will!

And then won't they be sorry.


SherE1 said...

My daughter threatens us ALL the time and, oh, how we quiver in fear and beg her mercy. Then we offer her some ice cream and she forgets what she was mad about. Works all the time!

Anonymous said...

HA! That's priceless

LiteralDan said...

Thanks-- he's been in rare form lately, for some reason. I vote we all take three naps a day and see where that leaves us.

Now I want ice cream...

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?

LiteralDan said...

At the Narnia Airport Duty-Free shop, of course!