Things I miss from before I was a parent

Here are just 10 of the things I miss from the days before I became a parent (avoiding the easy cliches of "sleep" and "free time"):

1. Unmolested rolls of toilet paper. Rolling toilet paper back onto the roll is like putting toothpaste back into the tube, which I've also done. That brings me to #2. (Doesn't everything these days?)

2. Unmolested tubes of toothpaste.

3. Not having to patrol the house like a prison guard whenever certain cranky someones decide to wake up too early, in defiance of their incredibly precious freedom to sleep as long as they want, wherever they want, whenever they want.

4. Toy-free paths between any two points of interest in my house.

5. The ability to procrastinate in peace.

6. Not having to constantly check if other people are still wearing both of their shoes.

7. A vomit-free couch.

8. Sitting around watching movies and playing board games with J-; not having to make sure everything we did was model behavior; and being able to make last-second plans and just jump in the car and go somewhere. See #9.

9. Not having to spend half an hour before leaving the house thinking of all the things I might be forgetting, gathering supplies for a possible (and likely) day-long siege, and corralling, outfitting, and corralling (again) two kids hyperactive at the thought of leaving the house.

10. Having much less stuff laying around needing to be straightened up. I have no delusions of former neatness-- organizing large amounts of things all at once has always been hard for me (such as when moving, which we've done three times now), because of the too-fine focus of my OCD. I've always been best at maintaining an already-clean space, while J-'s the big-cleanup-all-at-once (but not often) type, so between the two of us, very little gets cleaned-- the sheer volume of Things now is just overwhelming.

Bonus! 11. Not having to spend a surprising amount of my day coming up with answers to rapid-fire questions like, "Where are the pirates in this land? [America]" and "Why aren't there any pirates anymore?"

Things I would miss from being a parent

1. My kids and their endearing antics, too numerous to list. Damn those cute buggers.