07 May 2008

Household occurrences likely to revisit me in nightmares

Here are several events at our house, most from this morning alone, that I believe I'll be seeing replayed in some form in the coming nights whenever I manage some sleep:

1. M- firmly poking the bottom of an open box of cereal on the table and me lunging forward to catch it just before it turned upside down. I haven't always been so lucky. (In my nightmares, I'm sure the box will always be just out of my reach.)

2. D- standing on the rug between the dining room and kitchen saying, "I'm having an accident!"

3. M- streaking through the dining room with a Spider-Man fork stolen from the dishwasher.

4. M- climbing all over me like a boa constrictor, onto and off of the chair, moaning, "No, no, no, noooooo!" over and over again for no apparent reason other than sniffles and crankiness (it was before 8).

5. D- holding a ball and taking aim at my happy place while I demonstrate how to stand upon the parallel bars at the park. (Luckily it was only a Nerf ball so it didn't hurt, but still I saw the look in his eye-- it was a vicious one expectant of painful hilarity.)

6. M- taunting D- by walking across the family room with his Corduroy bear and, instead of giving it back as originally ordered, slapping him twice across the face with it (like Monty Python's Fish Slapping Dance) and running back away.

7. Driving off a giant mushroom and falling into a bottomless pit, like I did a couple times last night in MarioKart Wii. (In my nightmares, I'm sure the magic man on the cloud will never come to save me.)

8. M- splashing her hands in the toilet saying, "Pee-pee, pee-PEEEE!" (we've gotten thisclose to it several times now), before bidding it bye-bye while waving as she has been doing for the past few weeks.

9. Closing a fresh, clean diaper, standing up and turning around, and then detecting a dreadful hint of baby byproducts. Yes, M- tends to be picky where she defecates, but then so do some adults.

10. A massacre by a rampaging spoon-spork hybrid. Okay, I only read about it, but I have a very impressionable brain, and things like that tend to stick. At least it's better than a velociraptor attack.

Things that should revisit me in my dreams:

1. M- comforting a crying D- by saying, "eye-ing", offering a kiss and hug, and then sitting down to let him read her the book (Good Night, Maine) they had been fighting over earlier.


Mama Dawg said...

Thanks for the link!

I just saw most of Jurassic Park on TV this past weekend when it was raining (first time I've seen it since it came out in the theatre) and ever since then, I can totally relate to the veociraptors link.

I gotta get that one on DVD and watch it again. I can remember reading the book on the plane from Florida to my dad's place and then seeing the movie when I got there.

Rikki said...

Good stuff Dan. I am totally adding you to my favorites (once I figure out how to do that).

My two year old had an accident this morning. The only thing she said was "there's pee-pee on the floor!'.

Worst part about it...she was literally one step from the toilet. You'd think she could have held it for another nanosecond...

Thanks for spreading the blogger love! :)

SherE1 said...

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with my 4 YO standing next to my side of the bed, her face within 2 inches of mine, telling me she had an accident. After I got her cleaned up and changed, I checked the bed. Strangely, I couldn't find any wet spots on the bed. As I walked back to my room, I stepped in a wet spot in the hallway carpet. Ah, thaaaaaat's where it happened!

Love #6, by the way! Too funny!

Natalie said...

m fish slapping d with a corduroy bear. priceless. still giggling....

Cassey said...

5 was so funny. Sweet dreams.

TerriRainer said...

Here is a story that MIGHT make you feel better about the whole toilet issues...it's truly the stuff of nightmares!


:) Terri

Unknown said...

Love #8! Smiles!

LiteralDan said...

Mama Dawg: Yeah that guy has a running joke about his fear of velociraptors that I find quite funny. The original Jurassic Park is great, the sequel is godawful, one of the worst movies I've ever seen (though the book is great) and the third one was surprisingly enjoyable, probably because my expectations were so low (I saw it for free).

Rikki: Thanks much-- if you have any questions, let me know and I can share what knowledge I have. One step from the toilet is the best place for an accident, apparently-- we've had several there.

SherE1: At least she wasn't telling you she had to vomit, like my mom says we did to her as kids. Carpet puddles are the worst-- that's one reason I'm glad we have hardwood floors (that hasn't stopped the kids from nailing the handful of throw rugs we have, several times).

Natalie: Yeah I couldn't believe she did that-- I just stared at her for a second digesting what happened, then called her back to say sorry, etc. That's just the kind of girl she is, it seems. We're not too worried about her standing up for herself...

Cassey: It would have really hurt with anything more solid-- he used all his force and had dead aim. Maybe he's seen some hilarious YouTube videos over my shoulder here and there, or something. Or could it be inborn?

TerriRainer: That is truly frightening-- I left a comment there and I encourage everyone else to check it out in case they think they're having a rough day!

Wifey: She helps everyone remember to flush, by so excitedly waving and calling out "Bye-byyyye!"

LiteralDan said...

Thanks for the tip-- I'll check it out. FreeRice is fun, in addition to serving a great cause. Everyone should check it out!