25 May 2008

Parenting 101: I am a wonderful parent

You know what the best part of being a parent is? Knowing that one day, you'll be able to take your lovely, perfect grandchildren to your house for a sleepover.

Okay... have my parents stopped reading yet? Is the coast clear?

Actually, the best part of being a parent is being able to have a day here and there when your parents take your children away and you don't have to deal with them and all their high maintenance for one whole day and night. They don't really tell you this when they discharge you from the hospital, but babies are a lot of work. For like 20 years.

The nurses and such at the hospital are all "Ohh, what a special little miracle! He/she/it is so darling... (choking up) so special!" ...yadda, yadda, yadda. What they're thinking is, "Good god, babies may be cute (given a few days to unsmash their faces and everything), but am I glad my kids are old enough to be yelled at to leave me alone while I go take a nap. I'm gonna sleep good tonight! These poor bastards obviously have no idea what they're in for, or they wouldn't be smiling like that. That woman is pretty lucky, though, cause the dad sure looks like an exceptionally intelligent, handsome, and unbelievably witty individual."*

I assure you, though, if you don't already know, there's absolutely no sarcasm or even realism employed out loud in the baby-having section of the hospital. It's all sunshine and rainbows and (shudder) straightforward positivity.

So anyway, here's a disclaimer: I love my kids, they crack me up, they're so special and smart and amazing and stuff, and like all parents, I can't wait to see them grow up to appreciate and worship me... That being said, man did I sleep good last night. Heck, I may even go back to sleep right now. This is the life.

* Your experience may or may not match this, which was undoubtedly my personal experience.


Anonymous said...


Thanks for letting me know! I'll tell my pregnant wife quick!

Note to self: never live more than a 10 mile away for the in-laws. It will be the key to happiness.

Anonymous said...

I'm there with you on this one, dude. All I can say is take it where you can get it (handing the kids off to the grand parents, that is.)

And I have to say, I don't know what kind of sense of humor your wife has, but even with my extreme appreciation of sarcasm and dry wit, getting any of that at the hospital after 17 hours of labor would NOT have been very well received.

Insane Mama said...

I think the best part will be when our kids have children that are nasty teenagers and we can laugh at them. The way my parents are laughing at me

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I second what insane Mama said! My daughter is worse than I was when I was young...or old...but anyhow, that is what they say!

I am lucky that my parents are very good to take the kids...and it is utter bliss!

Anonymous said...

Dude, I'd be in the loony bin without the grandparents.

Thanks for leaving a comment at Sweet Life, by the way!

Anonymous said...

Yep, I'm jealous. My babysitters (aka: in-laws) just left for a two and a half month vacation in Alaska. It'll be Labor Day before I can enjoy what you just had.

TerriRainer said...

With FIVE kids, it's rare that ALL are gone at the same time. It does happen (about as often as leap year), and when it does, it's sooo nice!

I'm just looking forward to next August, when school starts, ALL of them will be in school the whole freakin day! YEEEHAAA!

:) Terri

Disclaimer:I love my kids, really I do, but they can make you INSANE, and they suck the intelligence right outta your head...some weird osmosis thing, near as I can figure!

LiteralDan said...

lostparentdiary: This comment made me laugh-- I bet she'll appreciate the heads up! Yeah, it's too late now... just start sleeping as much as possible to prepare for the siege ahead.

Note to you: Your self is right-- listen to him!

Christy: My wife was lucky to not have to endure very long labor with either kid (though she'd readily point out that it was long enough), but yes, she would not appreciate my dry wit at those particular points in time. I still don't see why not.

insane mama: Yeah, that will be sweet, and my kids are far from teenagers. I can see a lot of parallels already though-- the intermittent defiance and smarminess of a 3/4-year-old is like teenager practice. And the assertiveness and neediness of a 1-year-old is foreshadowing as well.

I may have to go on a long vacation around 2017-2025.

Shelle: The kids are always worse than us, unless you ask our parents, of course. Bliss is right-- I can wait till the next time!

Andrea @ Sweet Life: You should tell them that-- maybe they'll take the kids another day or two. lol

You're welcome-- that was a funny post!

MamaNeena: Two and a half months? Ouch. Did they have to babysit too often, or something? Did you overwater that blessed tree?

I bet you'll have a niiiiiiice Labor Day weekend.

TerriRainer: I can imagine few are willing to take on that many kids. That's what the oldest kids are for-- they don't HAVE to be willing! Moohoohoohahahaaaaa!

School will be nice, though bittersweet, I'm sure.

Disclaimer: Don't steal my disclaimers! lol