11 May 2008

I didn't need that eye, anyway

Let me start by wishing all you mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. It's probably belated, since I'm sure most of you won't read this until tomorrow, unless one of your well-deserved selfish activities for today is to read all the blogs you want in peace. If that's the case, good for you!

If I sound like I'm typing this with only one eye, I'll just say that you, sir or madam, are exceedingly perceptive.

Furthermore, I'll assume you are sympathetic and genuinely want to know more details of how I came to be this way. Addressing your first point, I wish to express my gratitude but to offer pettily that it doesn't quite make the pain go away, and addressing your second point, I can certainly find it in me to indulge you with my tale of woe, spun as well as I can muster in my present state:

My own daughter stabbed me in the f***ing eye with a novelty snake-head finger puppet.

...More tomorrow, if I survive.


Fiesty Charlie said...

Well, I am one of the moms who just wants to read blogs in peace... Here I come to your site, and am giggling madly... not at your pain, but at the way you ended this post.

I hope you survive, so I can hear all the details! I am an EMT, and can say, no matter how weird it looks when your eyeball is hanging dwn next to your chin, don't shove it back in, or pull on it... seriously... I mean it!

TerriRainer said...

Let me FIRST apologize for laughing at your pain...it's one of my character flaws.

We have a saying at our house...

"It's better than a poke in the eye!"

I'm sure you now see the logic in that statement, almost ANYTHING is better than a poke in the eye, except of course the occasional child head-butt in the groin!

:) Terri

Cassey said...

I will be anxiously waiting to see if you make to see tomorrow...

Rikki said...

Sorry, I laughed outloud reading this!

I bet you look like a pirate as you type. Don't they always squint one eye?

Argh! Ahoy matey!

Mama Dawg said...

Better than a cue ball to the crotch!


LiteralDan said...

Fiesty Charlie: (shudder) That visual you so graciously offered just made my eye hurt all over again. Nice work! lol

TerriRainer: Depending on whether the head-butt was purposeful, it might be a tossup, in my unfortunate experience.

Cassey: Well, here it is tomorrow, and I seem to have survived. Unless heaven just has a fantastic marketing department and it's really this disappointingly banal. I guess given the questionable nature of my life experience, this possibility could also work as a vice-versa for The Other Place.

Rikki: Oh after 10 minutes or so, I definitely felt like a pirate. But I insist that closing my eye helped it heal somewhat-- I'm sure there's a book out there on flea market tables across the nation that would support this affirmation.

Mama Dawg: As with TerriRainer's comment above, I think it depends on whether the cue ball was sent there accidentally. It's just a question of force. I'm sure we can all agree, however, that a pool cue to the eye would be the worst kind of related injury.